IT'S JUST HOW LIFE WORKS...


Knowing between winning and defeated, run away, shedding tears, that’s how human grow up. Contemplating between what to do, what not to do, not knowing what’s wrong and what’s right and everyone around you just keep on pushing you over the edge. Disappointments, pressure, burning your soul in turmoil. At times you tried to resist it, overcome it, suppressing the tears from falling. But sometime when you tried too hard, you ended up looking so much pitiful in every other eye that sees.

Yeah, you’re right. I just deleted the post I wrote last night. Because when I read it again, I feel like I’m trying to gain attention from people. I feel like I’m trying to look pitiful. Like what I said, I hate getting sympathies from people. I hate looking so desperate for attention or people to listen to me. I hate making myself looks pathetic in front of people. And so, I always swallow everything and acts indifferent.

The past weeks had been very frustrating for me. I have to study for mid-term exam, teacher doubt me and the things I wrote was not originally my work because I surprisingly do a lot better than previous exam, I don’t even know what I did wrong. Even trying hard is wrong too. So what exactly did they expect me to do? No one in my family work with the government or ministry of education, how in the world would I get the question? It feels like 2012 all over again. When I have to deal with plagiarism issues and all those stupid dramas created by immature bunch of kids. If I’m not THE calm person as they know I am, maybe I’ve had already give them a good slap or two across their face.

At the end I just sit here, in my room, telling myself that among all the people that hates you, there’s still a lot more than likes you. I tell myself I need to stop wasting my time trying to impress them when they don’t even care. In real life, everyone acknowledge me as a secretive person and calm, because honestly, I don’t usually talk much. (Secretive is because I hide a lot of my true feelings even when my expression shows otherwise). They said I am not matured in terms of looks because I look like a kid, but I sound a lot like an adult when I talk. I don’t even know that myself, but that’s what they said, so I… don’t know. And so, I really did stop impressing them. I even left everything behind to start anew. All the stories I’ve written, my subscribers, my place among all the other writers, my place in the readers’ eyes, the number of views, all those hardships from the years before wasted just like that, but I am not even a bit regret. Okay, maybe I regret it a little because I start from a very zero and gain a lot of attention and love through my writings within few months, but its okay though. It’s okay.

I’ve decided what I want to do with my life. After finishing high school, I’m going to attend an art class, organized by a certain party that I know. After the SPM result come out, I’m going to apply for linguistic study. There’s no way in the world would I let some people I barely care about (or not at all) change the way I am right now. Life’s too short to waste it on people who don’t worth your attention.



Well, at least now I’ve gotten a little better at handling my own problem. I do feel bad because for the past weeks, I’ve been a little cranky at home and sometimes even being a little rude to my parents and brothers. But it’s not my intentions to be like that. I’m just stressed and not able to think properly that time. I don’t really like to involve people in my problems too. But I’m okay now (but I’m not entirely okay because EXO’s doing their solo concert and I CAN’T ATTEND IT!!!!!!!! Fml /cries hysterically/)